NO TIME TO RECHARGE
When Tan and his wife had Kyra in 2016, he was doing freelance social media work from home. His wife was a third-generation hawker selling prawn noodles at Tekka Market, spending long hours cooking and serving customers.
The question arose as to who was going to care for her, and it made sense to have him do it.
“(My wife) always wanted me to join her as a hawker, and maybe having children was the way to avoid that,” he quips.
The family hired a confinement nanny for the first month following Kyra’s birth. Once she left, Tan became the main carer.
And it was important to him that he should form a special connection with Kyra in her early years, which is why the couple decided not to send her to infant care or hire a helper.
As a first-time parent determined to do his best for his child, he struggled along for some time, doing as much research as he could when she napped.
“I’d be in a pitch-dark bedroom with the child sleeping there, hoping for at least two to three hours of break (time) so that I could read up on sleep training,” he recalls.
Being on the clock almost 24/7 meant giving up his hobbies, such as cycling, long-distance running and video games. Time to himself to recharge his batteries — something that is important to him as an introvert — was also gone.
It soon began to take a toll on him. He began feeling tired and irritable all the time. And he began snapping at his wife.
“I was always only looking forward to the next nap or bedtime,” he says. “Because that was when I knew I’d have a breather.”