When Myra was around six months old, I started to open up about my postnatal blues. I spoke to my church leader, who supported people with their emotional problems. He helped me to see motherhood in a more positive and fulfilling light and introduced me to various coping strategies.
Though the general stresses of mothering remained, with all the help I’d been getting and the fact that I was able to work, I felt much better.
It was also reassuring that I no longer felt as if my identity was confined to being only a mum. I was more than that – I was also a daughter, wife, sister, and friend.
At this point, I also became more aware that I had mixed feelings about motherhood.
Being a mum was exhausting, but it was also fulfilling. While I was frustrated at the amount of tasks I had to do, I was also happy and grateful for taking care of Myra. Even though I missed having “me” time and wanted time away from Myra, I also always wanted to be with her as I didn’t want to miss any of her milestone moments.
It’s strange because I know I’m contradicting myself. I’ve learned that being a mum includes all these ups and downs, and ironic feelings.
In January 2021, I found out I was pregnant again.
Kelvin and I weren’t entirely prepared for another child. We were just starting to get to know Myra, I was still winging it at parenting and I was just returning to the workforce.