A MINEFIELD OF EXPECTATIONS
The minefield of expectations around wedding hongbao was part of the reason why my fiance and I wanted a simpler celebration, so that guests wouldn’t feel pressured to give a large hongbao.
We also created a bridal registry, to give guests the option of buying a gift if they prefer. It hasn’t taken off with our Singaporean friends and family, but many of our guests from abroad have sent us gifts.
Weddings, I have come to learn, are full of contradictions. Couples are often told the day is all about them, but parents also have executive power, especially if they’re financing it.
Likewise when it comes to wedding gifts, we repeat aphorisms that it’s the thought that counts, and what’s most important is that everyone has a good time. But this isn’t the case when there are unspoken rules about exactly what guests should give.
Because the stakes are high for weddings to be a joyous, perfect occasion, most people would stick to tried-and-tested traditions, suppressing their discontent when certain practices are expensive or incongruent. The wedding hongbao is one such tradition.
Erin Low is Deputy Editor, Commentary at CNA Digital.