The Big Read: Paternity leave helps but for men to take on fair share of parenting, a rethink of gender roles is needed

“If you want to compare with my first couple of days, I probably take three or four minutes to make a bottle of milk, constantly checking the temperature. Now, I can get it in a split second,” he said.

Ms Iffa added: “Doing those little things, of course, and it is very frequent in the day, it’s going to help build that bond. There’s no other way.”

The first few weeks for new parents is a delicate, transitional time.

Mr Grover’s wife told TODAY that even though she had hired a confinement nanny and had help from her parents, she still needed her husband by her side.

“Before we became parents, I thought maybe paternity leave would be useless. Actually, we do need both parents; the mums really need our husbands around, not just physically, but also emotionally,” said the 33-year-old social worker. “It is very nice to have your spouse around, physically present and being there, and when you have any needs, they can attend to.”

She cited chores, such as her husband buying pails for her herbal baths or groceries, which were simple yet immensely helpful and strengthened their relationship. Her husband, Mr Grover, said: “We know that we have each other in this process. Every day, you know you have your partner with you.”  

Ms Sharlene Chen, 34, an operations manager who has four children between 11 months and 17 years old, stressed that the presence of one’s partner is “super important” for a woman emotionally while her hormones settle down post-birth. 

“Sometimes, we don’t need them to do anything, but just being around is more than enough,” she said. 

Indeed, her husband, Mr Joshua Lee, 35, a sales executive who took on the night duty for all his children, said that paternity leave notwithstanding, it is up to him as a husband to help Ms Chen “feel better and recover properly”.  

Ms Iffa stressed that as joyous and wonderful as welcoming a child is, it is also a monumental change that husband and wife have to adapt to.

“I think it’s something so fresh, that you don’t really know how to feel about it. Having (your husband) present, it’s definitely going to be more effective to go through the motions and understand what the transition is about,” she said.