Given that they might not understand the differences between the two, being left behind may be interpreted by a kid as being abandoned by their caretakers. When a child is most vulnerable, they might think unwelcome and simply receive conditional love—when they meet the needs or preferences of their caregivers.
As a result, the child may know to agree at the expense of developing positive relationships with others and themselves by simply doing what they want rather than being aware of their own needs.
Some people have shared terrible thoughts of being “left behind” in shopping malls or scared into submitting through corporal punishment in my work with older adolescents and adults. Intense anxiety and the overwhelming sense of having to deal with it alone are frequent elements in their activities.
These people frequently struggle with making errors or trying new things, and they frequently mistrust both themselves and others, which can have a negative effect on the development of relationships.
More than “doing to,” “being with” is preferable.
What do we want our kids to learn, going back to the original issue of purpose? Discipline, according to psychologists Dr. Dan Siegel and Tina Bryson, may result from a place of love and respect between the baby and the child.
Our understanding of discipline and instruction may be reframed by the idea of “being with” the baby more than “doing to” it.
Ask yourself,” What do I want to teach my children?” the next time you’re tempted to abandon your kids. Do I want them to learn to respect day and be aware of how it affects other people, or do I just want people to cooperate and obey?
Being with could entail pausing, taking a breath, connecting at your child’s level, and asking for help, such as saying,” We need to leave in 10 minutes.” How does we support one another in achieving this?
It might also entail listening to your children’s emotions and confirming them, such as saying,” I know you want to stay here long, I get it, but,” and then directing them to the new behavior that you would prefer they adopt.
Before imposing restrictions, we may also make an effort to comprehend what is so thrilling about the environment they are in and try to share it with your child.
Your children may also learn the value of partnership by helping you create a plan before you leave with their input. Children may feel less confused and more convinced following parental instructions if there was some structure.
Finally, in this way, kids learn about themselves and other people and, despite how strong their emotions may remain, experience love. As a result, they might develop into more compassionate individuals who can continue to form strong bonds with their loved ones and themselves.
Clinical neurologist Dr. Cherie Chan works at The Other Clinic.