A SAFE ENVIRONMENT FOR PARENTS AND CHILDREN
The burden is on kids to set appropriate limitations and design the behavior, because our kids look at what we say and do to guide them.
An example in the broader parenting context could be for those looking to manage screen time for young ones: Define the limit ( when the minute hand on the clock reaches this number ) and the parent’s behaviour ( I will switch off the TV ). Articulating parameters also helps connect expectations better, which helps the child understand how and when to act. The key is staying consistent and maintaining a strong but honest method.
Practising the basics of maintaining healthy boundaries may help parents better consider on our feet for the more sophisticated scenarios, especially ones in which parents may reinvent and re-explain boundaries, such as appropriate/inappropriate effect, propriety and acceptance as their children get older.
Make it a practice to check-in with your kids on their thoughts and feelings, so their behavior is not always a focal point of contention.
Behind every attitude lies a performance – the why. Parenting is about uncovering that work to better know what the family or child is trying to say to each other and learning to understand the meaning of behaviours more than dwell on habits.
If tensions run higher at home, consider defusing the circumstance first, finding your quiet, and thinking about the original intent of the instruction/gesture you’d like to talk. Next try to approach it differently.
A good way to see it is that kids are still learning and trying their level best to maintain their poor emotions, compassion of tension, listening skills, and their need to design these behaviours after yours.
Dr Shawn Ee is a clinical psychologist and psychoanalytic psychotherapist at The Psychology Practice, with close to 20 years ’ experience in child and adolescent psychology.