Authority TO ACCEPT MYSELF
Down the rough hill I would get every time the cracked tape record played in my mind of all that I had lost. That evening, when I had merely S$ 16 in my bank accounts and also contemplating a brief moment of uncomfortable thoughts, I asked myself “what do I still have? ”.
What was a facetious cry of anguish unknowingly brought on thanks as the thoughts answered the question actually. I did also have little: Family, friends, knowledge, connections- and most of all, values.
Studies have found that sentiments of gratitude release dopamine and serotonin, the brain’s “feel great ” chemicals. Some suggest that the brain may respond to love and despair at the same time. I don’t suppose but from my personal encounter- I began a gratitude jar and committed to writing a regular one-liner about something I was proud for, no matter how negligible. As the flask began to fill up, the tape recorder gradually faded out until it stopped playing immediately. I still keep the daily practice of gratitude ( minus the jar ) today.
Whilst I used to support organizations with the occasional payment in the past, I began to volunteer and provide passionately in various capacities, including initiating group projects and social organizations. This includes Hush TeaBar, which brings silent tea lessons led by blind facilitators to offices, launched specifically 10 years ago this month. It was “self-serving ” initially as this allowed me to feel useful despite all that brokenness but I soon found that this was my “ikigai” all along.
Sadness is not much valued in our society; we are always in for a rush to get over it. But without sadness, may happiness had any significance?
Apparently, the biggest benefit of being down for me was the enlightenment that I need not be content and cool every minute of the day. I can choose to get people instead with the smorgasbord of emotions that is available to me- to feel and know, to embrace and control.
My personal well-being model called EGO ( with a healthy dose of irony and pun intended ) reflects this: Managing Energy ( not time ) to keep my tank full and not pour from an empty cup; practising Gratitude so I usually feel enough to offer and lead; and taking Possession of my well-being by letting come of who I think I’m supposed to be and recognize who I really am.
Chinese author Haruki Murakami again said: “ When you come out of the surprise, you won’t be the same person who walked in”.
By embracing my depression with its devastating pain, seeking help with the searing shame and taking good actions, I came out of the great storm embracing different parts of myself that I’d rejected and missed for very much.
Maybe life is not always a problem to be solved in being up or down; maybe it is about living the mystery at every point through the ongoing narrative of good, bad and ugly moments that is the fullness of me. There is no shame in that.
Anthea Ong is a former Nominated Member of Parliament, social entrepreneur ( Hush TeaBar, WorkWell Leaders, A Good Space, SG Mental Health Matters ), ICF Professional Certified Coach and author. She is working on her next book, The Upsides of Being Down, an anthology of stories of well-known and ordinary people living and thriving with, and through, mental health conditions.