MOVING AWAY FROM A ZERO-SUM MINDSET
So, how do we move away from this zero-sum mindset that my child will lose out if I cannot procure enough opportunities for them?
Parents experience relative scarcity because of this logic, even if they have comfortable, financially secure lives. Those utilising the fee caps available at government-supported preschools worry that they should be like the parents spending more – perhaps S$1,800 per month to send their child to a private preschool.
Meanwhile the parents who already spend that much, in turn, worry that they should be sending their children to an elite S$3,000 per month preschool.
Similarly, the same loop of relative scarcity emerges in comparisons of what parents can do to secure spots in desirable primary schools. The only parents who avoid this arms race are parents who manage to “check out” of this zero-sum psyche altogether.
For everybody else, that is, most parents, the focus has been on convincing them that “every school is a good school”. But perhaps, a more powerful and believable motivator would be to convince parents that the playing field is broad, rather than level.
Immigrant populations tend to appreciate opportunities in unusual places. However, we seem to have traded that in for increased social stratification and systematisation.
When stories of non-path-dependent success are commonplace, people will believe the tides have changed. Will an appreciation for expansive opportunity make us feel less anxious to parent?
ASPIRING FOR EQUAL PARTNERSHIPS AT HOME
In the same IPS study, we found that women aged 21 to 34 are less likely to foresee themselves being married and less likely to hope to have children in the future as compared to their male peers. Many female participants mentioned patriarchal norms in familial labour as a reason for this.
Incredible strides have been made towards gender equality in education and employment, with women now making core contributions to our economic activity. In line with these shifts, they now seek equitable partnership and accountability on the home front.
If this seems unattainable, women are increasingly content to find meaning in alternative child-free paths instead.
This is a more modern feature of the collective psyche that must be seriously addressed to create conditions fundamental to child-rearing. Can we understand, with greater granularity, exactly what effort is needed in being the default parent and how mothers and fathers can more equitably share this sometimes invisible load?