NO ONE-SIZE-FITS-ALL SOLUTION
At this point, it is tempting to prescribe one-size-fits-all solutions on how we can help men to improve their relationships and consequently, improve their support networks.
However, it is near impossible to predict the needs of any particular individual. The best way to approach anyone would be to first understand their world view before collaboratively working with them to design solutions unique to them.
What this means is that more safe spaces for men to be authentically and unabashedly themselves are necessary. For example, male conversations groups can facilitate discussions on sensitive topics such as concepts of masculinity and sexuality. These places need to be ideologically and politically neutral but allow meaningful conversations around sensitive topics.
Furthermore, given that men tend to form friendships through shared goals, initiatives that aim to help men foster better relationships could be less dialogue-focused and more action-oriented.
Besides broader top-down efforts, individual level effort from men is also essential for them to foster higher quality relationships. For example, engaging in activities that do not overtly benefit them – through interest and volunteer groups, for instance – could be a way to meet new people in a more neutral setting.
Furthermore, men need to be kinder and more compassionate with themselves, to recognise when they need support and learn how to be more open to seeking it. Doing so requires an intentional effort to let go of whatever holds them back from reaching out.
For me, it was severe burnout that forced me to rethink my capacity for juggling multiple tasks, something I once was proud of. Since then, I let go of this point of pride for me and deliberately reduced the tasks I would take on, so as to never over-extend myself.
Lastly, any approach needs to meet men where they are while allowing them the time and space to move forward at a pace they feel comfortable with. Forcing or pushing people towards a particular destination without adequate consideration of their readiness for change may be detrimental in the long term.
Trying to shift the nature of men’s social relationships will not occur quickly. Still, every small step we can take while being mindful of prevailing norms, preferences and perspectives, will be one step closer to a world where men can feel more supported by the people around them.
Dr Jonathan Kuek is a mental health researcher and co-founder of Total Wellness Initiative Singapore, a prevention-oriented health and wellness social enterprise that aims to encourage people to be more proactive with their well-being.